Truth Statements

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There is no going back once the lid on the box of deep personal insight has opened. Like a butterfly trying to return to its cocoon, a place that used to be all it knew, what was once warm and comforting, now seems small, toxic and claustrophobic.

 

Destructive habits, emotions and relationships operate, manifest, and thrive in the unconscious ecology of projective experience. Shining the light of awareness onto our destructive tendencies and taking responsibility is rewarding, and revealing but facing the truth of self-deception comes with a requisite amount of pain and resistance to change.

 

As painful as self-sabotaging behaviors can be, the allure of the known and familiar seems far too often to have an almost magnetic appeal.

 

Sometimes there is simply no happy medium, no way to have your cake and eat it too, meaning it is simply impossible to live having both the wisdom of introspection and the destructive relationship or habit. It’s going to simply be one or the other. One option is to return to the cocoon, to the familiar pain, and the other option is a vast space of endless possibility.

 

Don’t be afraid to step over the line, a demarcation, a personal rite of passage – to leave the destructive relationship, habit, and emotion once and for all. Cold turkey. This is called a moment of truth. We encourage our friends and clients to find a destructive tendency or even relationship and to make a truth statement.

 

A truth statement is a powerful intentional statement. A truth statement is a promise to never return to the former aspect of our lives that we unconsciously manifested. Never again.

 

An example of a truth statement is Gandhi’s or the the Dalai Lama’s truth statement of non-violence (ahimsa). Under no circumstance will I ever commit violence to another. Personal truth statements are very powerful – serious business; Not for the meek. When you gather your courage and fortitude, examine the destructive tendencies and relationships in your life. I urge you to make a few truth statements every year. Some relationships or tendencies simply are not manageable. They have to be severed and cut off. No looking back. Game over. When we can no longer bear the weight of our own justifications; when our rationalizations have become intolerable.

 

Life is in the present and ahead, so be brave and make the space, an allowance for personal transformation: “this time I’ll reenter into my life and world consciously, I’m done with the pain.”

Next act, next episode please. It’s time to move on now.

What You Think About and Taking Responsibility for Your Thinking Matters

  

    No one is making you think anything, and yes – you may have been heavily conditioned up until now, but in this moment – just exactly who is responsible for recognizing and letting go of destructive thoughts and emotions? In this moment who exactly is responsible for wise, skillful and liberating thinking? 

    The way you think matters. Let’s rethink the way we’ve been coming about the psychopharmacological model. Does your thinking change your neuro-chemistry? Or does your neuro-chemistry change your thinking? In other words do people really have a chemical imbalance (whatever that means?) or do you have an repetitive irrational destructive thinking imbalance? (Such as I’m hopeless).The supposed easy way out is to always say that people have a “chemical imbalance.” Where does responsibility for your thinking lie with this model?

     Read below. What you think about matters a great deal for your biology and neuro chemistry and your overall well-being.

    Thinking and Molecular Gene Change

    I recently had dinner with a pharmaceutical representative from Pfizer. The representative stated, “that we know the chemicals in the anti-depressants don’t work, but people believe that they do and they think that they get better so what’s the big deal?”

    Besides being completely unethical here’s a few reasons: Loss of libido. Weight gain. Suicidal ideation when trying to come off of these medications. Forgetting the last one – ask anyone what loss of libido does to your relationships and self-confidence. Anti-depressants are far from innocuous. What’s the point anyway when for free you can change your thinking habits and feel great about yourself? In more than 95% of all diagnosed cases (mild to moderate depression) there is no statistical relationship in any seratonin change. Only in cases of severe depression is there any noticeable difference. 

    Why not learn how to change your thinking? Why not learn how to let thoughts and emotions come and go instead of suffering for them incessantly and unnecessarily? And as you will read below – it’s simply more intelligent and healthier to empower yourself to do so.
    Stimulant effects can include:

    • Hypomania/mania /Insomnia
    • Nervousness Anxiety
    • Agitation Central nervous system stimulation
    • Frequent emotional changes Tremor
    • Sweating Palpitation
    • Paranoia Psychosis
    • Hostility Euphoria


    No one is making you think anything, and yes – you may have been heavily conditioned up until now, but in this moment – just exactly who is responsible for recognizing and letting go of destructive thoughts and emotions? In this moment who exactly is responsible for wise, skillful and liberating thinking? 

    Being In An Extraordinary Relationship Might Mean Finding The Courage to Stop This One!

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    Please never settle for a lackluster, a painful, or even worse – an abusive relationship. What are you (or were you) thinking? You’re fully capable of being happy and in a healthy, extraordinary relationship!

    Finding the courage to leave a relationship that’s over is a battle I watch many of my clients go through, and we’ve all been there. The usual questions and ruminating thought processes are: The pain of repeatedly wondering, How can I be sure it’s over? I’d rather be in this than face the fear of being alone and starting the long process of starting all over again. What will people think? It will be too messy financially, and if there are children involved, what kind of message am I telling them if I quit? Can’t we work through this? What about counseling? Isn’t love enough?

    When we begin to probe deeper, the checklist in sum or in part that it may be time to move on includes but isn’t restricted to:

    • The sexual intimacy is absent or has become rote or a duty, the blame game (exacerbated by name-calling) has become quietly or overtly routine, only one or neither side enjoys spending time together, the feeling of walking on eggshells in the presence of the other person, the absence of joy, the shared goals and vision of the relationship have diminished or are absent, the thoughts of being with another person are becoming frequent or emotional and/or sexual contact with other prospects has begun.
    • Don’t wait for the other person to end it when you know it’s over! The worst thing you can do in this situation is to begin behaving so poorly that the other person will be forced to end this because of the pain associated with your destructive behaviors. Be compassionate, end the self-sabotage and confront the fear.
    • Can’t we walk it back to how it used to be? Try again? You feel like you’ve exhausted all efforts, and you’re still there. It’s okay to give yourself permission to stop, to let go, to value yourself and the other person enough to move on. It’s okay to stop the fight. Admitting that it’s over does not equate to failure. With maturity and emotional responsibility there’s even the possibility of friendship in the future. Trust that you’ll be okay, that you’ll handle the outcome, you’ll survive and life will begin again. It’s vital to confront your fears, to not waste your life away in an angry roommate scenario, to go on and live your life. At the end of the day, you are not responsible for how the other person feels or their actions, but you are completely responsible for yours. If you need help, it’s okay to reach out to find resolution. You’re worth it. You can be in an extraordinary relationship, one that you’ve always dreamed of, you either need to reinvent this one, or find the courage to move on to the next. Either way, confront the fear.

    Free your mind.

    Passionate Love

    It would be so easy to settle for companionship. For years I’ve watched couples in counseling gravitate toward the middle, what even they describe as “good as it gets, I guess,” being comfortable, and just feeling safe.

    I’m fascinated by extraordinary people who also have extraordinary relationships. People who live not only their lives to the fullest, but are complimented even further by their partners. And there’s more – they keep it going throughout their lifetime together.

    We’ve had the chance to interview many of these unfortunately rare couples. Thirty years together plus, and still passionate for each other. Is there a commonality? Yes! What have we discovered?

    These passionate couples share these five qualities in common, and I seriously recommend that if you’re going to be in a relationship that it has these qualities, and if you’re not in a relationship with these qualities – to recalibrate – and quickly!

    1. They have the same sexual frequency – this is the number of times over a given period under optimal circumstances that they desire to be with each other sexually. Inevitably this turns out to be a deal breaker for passionate people if it’s not met.

    2. They are emotionally responsible. They don’t blame each other or make demands on one another. In fact they are each other’s biggest fans and supporters! This is huge. They support each others dreams and aspirations even when it’s inconvenient. They have similar communication styles and take complete 100% responsibility for their behaviors and emotions.

    3. Their values and beliefs are aligned. Think religion, ethics, financial responsibility, philosophy of life, vision.

    4. Intellectually compatible. Need I say more? Not a deal breaker necessarily, but definitely a stressor if there’s a mismatch.

    5. Recreational Activities. She likes to camp, he’s a metrosexual. Again, not a deal breaker, but a stressor.

    Passionate couples who last over the long term – are five out of five on our checklist. They consequently know what to expect from each other – they have a degree of certainty which creates stability. Consequently they have little fear of uncertainty and both trust and support the changing passions of their partner. They are behind them all the way. They can’t seem to get enough of them, and support them to the end.

    I highly recommend never settling for anything less than this regardless of the consequences. This is your life, and be fair to your partner as well, recalibrate as often as necessary. Staying together without passion is not what we’re looking for. Lots of people manage that, there are plenty of ordinary relationships, we’re seeking something else!

    There’s more to it than this of course, but this is a great start!

    One last bit of advice, and it’s completely telling of the relationship: In your heart do you believe that this person would be there for you if you were sick, injured, bed-ridden? Could you see this person sticking it out with you on your deathbed? If the answer is no, you’ve got some talking to do with yourself.

    If you’re going to be putting your life into this, and that’s what a passionate relationship is all about, watch that selection process and save yourself years or even a lifetimes worth of heartbreak.
    Finally, if it’s just not happening, do both of you a favor, don’t be afraid to fire someone, to let go and move on. It’s your life and you’re worth it.

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