Please never settle for a lackluster, a painful, or even worse – an abusive relationship. What are you (or were you) thinking? You’re fully capable of being happy and in a healthy, extraordinary relationship!
Finding the courage to leave a relationship that’s over is a battle I watch many of my clients go through, and we’ve all been there. The usual questions and ruminating thought processes are: The pain of repeatedly wondering, How can I be sure it’s over? I’d rather be in this than face the fear of being alone and starting the long process of starting all over again. What will people think? It will be too messy financially, and if there are children involved, what kind of message am I telling them if I quit? Can’t we work through this? What about counseling? Isn’t love enough?
When we begin to probe deeper, the checklist in sum or in part that it may be time to move on includes but isn’t restricted to:
- The sexual intimacy is absent or has become rote or a duty, the blame game (exacerbated by name-calling) has become quietly or overtly routine, only one or neither side enjoys spending time together, the feeling of walking on eggshells in the presence of the other person, the absence of joy, the shared goals and vision of the relationship have diminished or are absent, the thoughts of being with another person are becoming frequent or emotional and/or sexual contact with other prospects has begun.
- Don’t wait for the other person to end it when you know it’s over! The worst thing you can do in this situation is to begin behaving so poorly that the other person will be forced to end this because of the pain associated with your destructive behaviors. Be compassionate, end the self-sabotage and confront the fear.
- Can’t we walk it back to how it used to be? Try again? You feel like you’ve exhausted all efforts, and you’re still there. It’s okay to give yourself permission to stop, to let go, to value yourself and the other person enough to move on. It’s okay to stop the fight. Admitting that it’s over does not equate to failure. With maturity and emotional responsibility there’s even the possibility of friendship in the future. Trust that you’ll be okay, that you’ll handle the outcome, you’ll survive and life will begin again. It’s vital to confront your fears, to not waste your life away in an angry roommate scenario, to go on and live your life. At the end of the day, you are not responsible for how the other person feels or their actions, but you are completely responsible for yours. If you need help, it’s okay to reach out to find resolution. You’re worth it. You can be in an extraordinary relationship, one that you’ve always dreamed of, you either need to reinvent this one, or find the courage to move on to the next. Either way, confront the fear.
Free your mind.